how am I here

I stood in your shadow, a mere reflection of your wish.  
There is nothing of me in that.  
I worried how I could make my self Visible again...
I watched you change from one minute to the next.
I listened to my heart close 
when you pressed on my mind with your own...
How do I tell you
when you tear the paper?
How am I here
when you take the door down?
How can I live when your need 
is bigger than my whisper?

These are the things I felt, when my feet left your room 
for the other room where I could think.

These are the things and more and more
that never came out of my mouth
for fear you would tear them, for fear you would banish me...
I lived there...
I walked through your rooms with vanilla on my hair...

But you crushed me and smeared me into a stain.
Now you talk of me in lists of evil doings,
you rant that I raved.
But as you are so fond of saying, 
It didn't happen in a vacuum.